


Cheeky Coffee

by prxnxykxi



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Trans, Angst and Feels, Angsty Schmoop, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Maybe - Freeform, More tags to be added, Self-Hatred, Trans Dan Howell, fucking fight me, no offense to anyone else, possible angst, there needs to be some decent Trans Dan works on this site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-22 22:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10706409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prxnxykxi/pseuds/prxnxykxi
Summary: TITLE IS SUBJECT TO CHANGEDan Howell is transgender. Phil Lester might be in love with his best friend. Dan's mum has turned to alcoholism. Phil's dad is completely supportive (shocker).





	1. Chapter 1

In theory, it should’ve been easier to talk to Dan about this. In practise, it wasn’t. They’d been best friends since they were nine. They’ve shared their most intense stories, and their happiest of days, paired with the saddest. The hardest, Phil assumed, was when Dan came out, not only as gay, but trans. 

 

Phil, being no older than eleven, hadn’t reacted so well. But what can you expect when your best friend Yazi decides she wants to be Daniel. He’d told Dan that he didn’t want to be friends anymore, because he couldn’t be friends with boys, courtesy of his mum. He hadn’t understood why at that point, but he got it now. He got why he was so scared to be friends with Dan. Because Phil couldn’t like boys. He was supposed to like girls, just like everyone else.

 

Dan’s dad had called Phil’s that night, asking to get together so their sons could make up. Dan’s mum had turned to booze shortly after Dan came out to her, basing her reasoning on stress. Phil knew that was a lie, even at the age he had been. He knew that Dan’s mum wasn’t alright with her Yazi not being a...well, a Yazi. 

 

But even after all that, even after everything they’d been through, Phil was still scared Dan would reject him. He wasn’t sure why, exactly. He knew Dan wouldn’t completely abandon him. Maybe distance himself, but that was understandable. Still, it was something Phil didn’t want to have to think about. 

 

*******   
  


“Phil, are you listening to me?” Dan asked, waving his hand in front of Phil’s face. His laptop rested on the floor between them, open to one of the many shitty shows on Dan’s Netflix page that he and Phil watch. Completely ironically of course. Just for shits and giggles. It’s not like they actually  _ like  _ that god awful show. On both of their laps rested a notebook, pencils clenched in their hands.

 

“Sorry, what?” Phil asked, snapping out of his daze. 

 

Dan smiled, the dimple that Phil adored so much appearing at the corner of his mouth. “I was asking if you had any ideas as to the science project we’re  _ supposed  _ to be doing.” 

 

Phil laughed quietly and shook his head. “Not really. I figured we could just do some volcano or something.” 

 

“Phil...the project is on biology. You’re in an entirely different subject.” Dan chuckled, cutting himself off. 

 

Phil’s smile faltered. He’d always hated when Dan did that - cut off his sentence or laugh. But he knew why Dan did it. Because he hated the sound of his own voice. When Phil asked about it, Dan told him it was because it was too feminine. 

 

Phil took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “Do you wanna go to Cheeky Coffee with me?” he blurted out. 

 

Dan looked up from his notebook, blushing softly. “Come again?” he asked. 

 

“Do you,” Phil motioned to Dan, “want to go to Cheeky Coffee,” he motioned to the door, “with me.” Phil finished with a wave toward himself. 

 

“Isn’t that place like, super tacky?” Dan asked quietly. 

 

Phil chuckled and shook his head, taking note of the slightly jealous look that flickered into Dan’s eyes. “No, it’s not tacky. People just say that because it’s owned by ‘hippies’. It’s cute.” 

 

Dan rolled his eyes. “You just like it because there’s a plant shop next door.” 

 

“That’s beside the point.” Phil huffed. “Do you want to go or not?” 

 

Dan thought for a moment before shaking his head. “I’m good here.” he said with a shrug. 

 

Phil frowned. Maybe Dan hadn’t understood, maybe he thought it was just them hanging out. He wasn’t asking again though. No, he’d had enough rejection already, no matter if it was intentional or not. “Listen, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ve gotta get home. Mum’s expecting me for dinner.” 

 

Dan glanced up, watching his best friend as he collected his things and stood. “Did I say something?” he asked, standing as well. 

 

“No. Like I said, Mum is expecting me for dinner. You know how she gets.” Phil denied, hand on the door handle of Dan’s room. 

 

Dan sighed quietly, his eyes flickering into the hallway where his mum had just passed as Phil opened the door. “Yeah, alright. We’ll still text tonight, right?”

 

Phil shrugged. “Maybe. I might be busy.” he said and left the room, closing the door rather harshly behind him. 

 

Dan stared at it, wondering where he had gone wrong. 

 

*******

 

When Phil returned home, he had about fifteen texts from Dan, all apologising. For what, Dan clearly wasn’t sure of. But he was apologising anyway. Phil sighed, letting himself flop onto the blue, green and aqua duvet. It smelled of lemons. His mum must’ve washed it while he was out. 

 

**Philly im sorry pls answer me**

**8:39 pm**

 

**Dan you havent done anything wrong. Stop apologising**

**8:41 pm**

 

**You made me feel like i had. sorry.**

**8:42 pm**

 

**Its fine.**

**8:45 pm**

 

**I thought your mum had planned dinner**

**8:46 pm**

 

**She had. Im not hungry**

**8:47 pm**

 

**Oh...okay then. whatre you doing now then?**

**8:48 pm**

 

**Nothing.**

**Listen dan**

**I need to get some sleep**

**I’ll talk to you tomorrow**

**Goodnight**

**8:50 pm**

 

**Good night phil**

**8:52 pm**

 

**< 3**

**8:54 pm**

 

Phil let himself groan at the heart Dan had added. He was in deep, and he knew that, and Dan wasn’t helping. Not at all. He plugged his phone in and laid it on his bedside table, turning away as he tugged the duvet over his shoulders. He lay there for over an hour before finally allowing himself to sleep.

  
Maybe he’d try again tomorrow. Maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaaaaaaaaaay shitty chapter because i have literally no attention span

The next two days had gone by quicker than Dan had anticipated, and before he knew it, it was the weekend. Phil had promised to take him to the mall, lunch and shopping. Most because everything Dan wore was either handed down from Phil or just too big. Even for Dan. His father was a relatively large man, after all. 

 

*******

 

Dan sighed quietly, staring at himself in the dressing room mirror. He hated everything about what he was wearing. He hated everything about himself in general. 

 

“Dan, come out, I wanna see.” Phil whined from the other side of the door. 

 

Dan sighed quietly. “Give me a sec, you ass.” he mumbled and continued staring at himself. His shoulders were too small, his hips were too curved, his binder didn’t make his chest flat enough. Everything about him made him want to throw himself into the sun. 

 

They’d been here over an hour and Dan could tell that Phil was getting frustrated with his constant insecure mumbling. Slowly, he stepped out of the dressing room, glancing at the pile of discarded clothing that had been declined by Dan, despite Phil’s insisting that he looked fine. 

 

Phil smiled, like he had the last ten times Dan stepped out. It wasn’t helping. “You look amazing.” he said. 

 

Dan shrugged. “I look like shit.” he mumbled. 

 

Phil raised a brow. “Really, Daniel? Again?”

 

“I just look too feminine.” Dan shrugged again, glancing up at Phil. He knew that his self-loathing got at Phil in ways that he didn’t understand. 

 

“You look  _ fine,  _ Dan.” Phil groaned quietly as he stood. “You look amazing, actually.” 

 

Dan shrugged once more. “I look like shit.” 

 

“No, stop that. You’re not going to change overnight. You look fine, Dan.”

 

Dan fell silent, staring up at Phil for a moment before speaking once more. “I know I won’t change overnight, but that can’t stop me from hating this. I look awful, and you know it.” 

 

Phil groaned again and threw his hands up in frustration, shaking his head as he did so. “You’re impossible.” he mumbled, turned on his heel and stormed out of the store, leaving Dan to his own self-hatred. 

 

He knew it was a shitty move on his part, but Dan was so amazing. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t see it for himself. 

 

So, Phil wandered to the food court, finding himself a spot near a McDonald's. He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened Crossy Road, because damn that game is addicting. Soon enough, Dan sat across from Phil, shoulders slumped with a couple bags sat beside him. 

 

“Sorry.” he muttered. 

 

Phil glanced up, letting himself be run over by a car. “For?” 

 

“You seemed annoyed.” Dan explained. 

 

“Dan,” Phil sighed, “it’s not a big deal, I just don’t get why you can’t see yourself the way I see you.” 

 

Dan glanced up, rolling his shoulders back slightly. “I know you think I’m awesome, but I’m not.” 

 

Phil got up, sliding into the seat beside Dan. He wrapped his arm around the other boy’s shoulders and tugged him into a side hug. “I can’t make you understand, but you really are amazing.” 

 

Dan let a small laugh slip, glancing up at Phil. “Thank, Phil.”

  
“Anything for you, Dan.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck here i am again. sorry for not updating this, it just hits pretty close to home for me so i can only write it in doses. not to mention the minor constant crisis ive been having. BUT WERE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT *looks pointedly at toad* 
> 
> anyway, here's this shitty chapter. 
> 
> shoutout to my toad for helping me with the puppy's name.

Dan felt numb. Of course he did. That tended to happen when his mum got like this, so drunk that she couldn’t even say her own name right. Still, here he sat, listening while she scolded him. Well, not him, no. No, she was scolding Yazi. She was scolding her daughter that didn’t exist. 

 

“And another thing,  _ Yazi _ ,” his mum spat out the name, hoping to get some kind of reaction from her child, “You and that Phil boy have been spending an awful lot of time together. I don’t want you seeing him anymore.”

 

Dan recoiled, flinching when his mother emphasised his birth-name. He let himself be silent up until he was told he wouldn’t be allowed to see Phil anymore. 

 

“That’s not fair!” he yelped, standing from where he sat, the chair’s legs scraping obnoxiously against the wood floor. 

 

“Oh yes it is, young lady!” shouted Mamma Howell.

 

Dan growled. “You can’t tell me who I can and cannot fucking hang out with!” 

 

Mamma Howell crossed to Dan, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him close to her face. “Don’t you disrespect me, Yazi. I am still your mother, and until you move out, I tell you what to do.” she growled. 

 

Dan swallowed thickly, his eyes wide in surprise that his mum would be so hostile. “You can’t keep me from seeing him at school.”

 

Mrs. Howell stepped back, releasing her grip on Dan’s shirt. “Maybe not, but after school, you will come straight home, and before school, you will go straight there. No detours, no meeting up for ‘coffee’. Straight to school, straight home. You got that?” 

 

Dan nodded slowly, stepping away from his mum. “Alright, Mum, I-I promise, I won’t see him outside of school.”

 

Mamma Howell nodded and pointed up to Dan’s room. “Go. I can’t stand to look at you anymore.” she spat. 

 

Dan nodded and scampered up to his room, quickly slamming the door behind him. He took a breath and turned, freezing when he noticed Phil sitting in the middle of the room with his back to the door. 

 

Upon further inspection, he noticed the window open, wind blowing the drapes gentle. 

 

“Phil Lester! What are you doing here?” he asked, stomping over to Phil. 

 

Phil twisted around, grinning up at Dan over his shoulder. “Hey, Dan. I wanted to show you something.”

 

Dan sighed. “Phil, you can’t be here. My mum - is that a dog?”

 

Sure enough, when Phil turned to face Dan, a small black Saint Bernard puppy sat in his lap, panting gently. 

 

Dan covered his mouth. “Oh my god, Phil.”

 

Phil stood, holding the puppy out. “Here, take him. He won’t bite”

 

Slowly, Dan took the puppy from Phil, grinning widely and burying his nose against the top of his head. “He’s so fuckin’ cute.”

 

“His name is Sir Poomfensteine.” Phil said casually, a playful smirk playing at his lips. 

 

Dan snorted at the name, shaking his head. “He’s a little snurgle floof.” 

 

Phil watched as Dan cooed and purred at the puppy, brown eyes lighting up further with each passing second. He let out a small chuckle when Dan squished his cheek against the puppy’s nose, letting him lick his cheek. 

 

“Sit down, would you?” Phil asked carefully. 

 

Dan grinned up at Phil and sat on the edge of his bed, crossing his legs and letting Sir Poomfensteine settle into a small ball in his lap. “How’d you get into my room?”

 

“I’m a wizard.” Phil replied with a wave of his hands. 

 

“Phil, I’m serious, how’d you get in? My window was  _ locked _ .” Dan insisted, his fingers rubbing over the top of the puppy’s head. 

 

Phil paused before letting out a small sigh. “Your dad saw me through the window. Let me in.”

 

Dan smiled a little, chuckling softly. “Philip Michael Lester, you’ve won the favour of my father.” 

 

“I feel honoured.” Phil grinned, blue eyes flickering up to meet Dan’s own. 

 

“But in all seriousness,” Dan sighed, “you can’t be here.”

 

Phil’s grin dropped again. “Why not?” he asked.

 

“My mum. She said we can’t hang out anymore. Outside of school anyway.” Dan explained, adding a small, “but she’s drunk, so I don’t think it’ll stick.”

 

“Your mum can fuck off.” Phil grumbled. 

 

Dan snickered. “Language. Philip.”

 

“Hush, Daniel. This is no time for jokes. Your mum is being unreasonable.” Phil replied. 

 

“I was just trying to lighten the mood a little.” Dan frowned, his shoulders slumping a little. 

 

Phil sighed, resting his forehead in his hand. “Dan, why do you think she wants us apart?”

 

“Because she’s an ass?”

 

“Because, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, you’re a bit…clingy.” Phil said. “You just, you’re a little overbearing, and I love you, Dan, you’re my best friend, but maybe you ought to back off a bit?”

 

Dan’s face fell. He knew he’d always gotten attached, he knew that he was kind of clingy, and begged for attention sometimes, but hearing it out loud - especially from Phil - hurt a lot more than he had ever expected. 

 

“I’m sorry, Phil, I didn’t mean to…” Dan murmured, looking down and pulling the puppy closer to him. 

 

“I think we need to spend some time apart. I think your mum finally had a good idea.” Phil said as he stood up, slowly zipping his jacket up. 

 

“Right…sorry.” Dan nodded, setting Sir Poomfensteine on the floor. “Get out of here then.”

 

“Dan, I don’t want you to be angry with me or anything.” Phil said gently, lifting the puppy into his arms and tucking him into his jacket. 

 

“I’m not mad.” Dan snapped. “Just get out. I’ll see you at school. Maybe.” 

 

Phil frowned, but did as told, slipping out the window carefully as not to hurt Sir Poomfensteine. He mumbled a goodbye to Dan as he did so, disappearing down the ladder resting against the outer wall. 

 

Dan watched silently as Phil left, waiting until he knew that Phil was safely on the ground before getting up and slamming his window shut. He then let himself fall back onto his bed, face buried in his pillow. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed. Until he couldn’t scream anymore.

  
He lay there silently until he fell asleep, dreams riddled with thoughts of Phil leaving him for good. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> authour is lazy but going to finish this work tonight because someone *looks pointedly at toadlet* wants me to not be stressed. BUT HERE WE GO. 
> 
> authour is lazy
> 
> chapter is shitty.

Come straight home. That’s what Dan’s mum had told him, and that’s what he would do. With he and Phil’s minor falling out the previous night, it wasn’t like he had any place else to go. He let out a small huff when he stepped into the house, slamming the door behind him. 

 

“I’m home!” he yelled, adding a quiet, “not that anyone cares.”

 

He went straight for the kitchen, digging around in the fridge for a bite to eat. He barely made it halfway back across the kitchen before his mum appeared, perfectly sober and perfectly seething. 

 

“Where have you been?” she commanded, taking the plate of food Dan had gathered for himself and setting it on the counter. 

 

“Hey!” Dan yelped, reaching for the plate. 

 

His mum raised her hand, sending him a threatening look that made him step back. “Answer the question, Yazi.”

 

“I was  _ walking _ . It takes longer when I don’t have a ride from school.” Dan said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

Mamma Howell narrowed her eyes, standing in Dan’s way for a moment before nodding. “I expect a text from you next time you’re going to be taking this long.” she said and started munching on Dan’s food. 

 

“I can only walk as fast as my pace takes me!” Dan exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. When his mum didn’t respond, he continued. “Whatever. I’m going to Phil’s place later. He and I need to talk.”

 

Mamma Howell scoffed. “I told you, you’re not allowed to see that boy. We don’t associate with his kind. Or your kind for that matter. I just have no choice with you.”

 

Dan narrowed his eyes, letting a growl build in his throat. “Don’t you ever,  _ ever,  _ talk about Phil that way.  _ Ever! _ ” 

 

Mamma Howell chuckled, munching on another bite of food. “He’s a fag. And you’re a tranny. But we’ll get you fixed up, sweetie. Don’t worry.”

 

Dan moved forward without thinking, shoving his mother back. “Stop it!” he screamed. 

 

His mum gasped, an animalistic look flickering onto her face. She moved her hand, smacking Dan across the face. Hard. “Don’t you touch your mother like that, you ungrateful little brat!”

 

Dan stumbled back, holding his cheek and staring up at his mother with tears stinging his eyes. He shoved past her, quickly stumbling his way to the front door. He yanked it open and began sprinting down the street, taking out his phone to text Phil. 

 

**Mums lost her mind. Have the door unlocked.**

 

**4:03 pm**

 

It was hardly two minutes later that he felt his phone buzz in his pocket again. 

 

**Whats your mum done?**

 

**4:05 pm**

 

**Dan?**

 

**4:10 pm**

 

**Dan are you alright?**

 

**4:13 pm**

 

**Dan Howell answer me please**

 

**4:15 pm**

 

**DANIEL JAMES HOWELL**

 

**4:17 pm**

 

**Dan. youre scaring me are you still there?**

**Dan?**

**Dan please tell me youre there.**

 

**4:20 pm**

 

**Meet me in your backyard. Bring the puppy.**

 

**4:22 pm**

 

**And a jacket**

  
**4:23 pm**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> authour is lazy. 
> 
> chapter is shitty. 
> 
> fic is done

Dan’s cheek was throbbing as he hopped the small fence that led to the backyard of the Lester residence. Waiting for him, was Phil, Sir Poomfensteine and Dan’s favourite jacket of Phil’s. When Phil spotted Dan, he leapt up. 

 

“Dan.” he breathed out gently. 

 

Dan ran to Phil, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist and burying his face against Phil’s chest. He shuddered, letting himself break down when Phil’s own arms found their way around Dan’s shoulders. 

 

“Dan, what happened?” Phil asked quietly, burying his nose into Dan’s hair. 

 

“My mum.” Dan choked out. “Sh-she hit me. She actually hit me, Philly. She wasn’t even drunk or - or anything. She just hit me.” 

 

Phil sighed, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Dan’s head before pulling back slowly. “Here.” he murmured, pulled away and wrapped the jacket around Dan’s shoulders. 

 

Dan slowly slid his arms through the sleeves, picking up the puppy right after he got the jacket all the way on.. “Phil, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so clingy. I’m sorry I get that way. I just...don’t want to be forgotten.” 

 

Phil’s breathing stuttered. “Dan, I could never forget you. And I don’t mind your being clingy. I’m sorry I said those things. I had no right, especially when you were in the state that you were in. I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.” Dan mumbled, shaking his head. “I understand. I just...I need you, Phil. I need you around, I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I lost you.” 

 

Phil smiled a little, looking down, right into Dan’s eyes. “Dan, you won’t ever lose me. I promise, I’ll always be here. We’ll be with each other, just like it’s always been.”

 

Dan nodded, staring up at Phil through his lashes. “I promise I’ll always be here for you too.”

 

Phil smiled wider, shifting closer to Dan, being careful not to crush the puppy held in his arms. Dan continued to stare up at Phil, his cheeks tear streaked. Phil leaned down, his lips finding Dan’s. 

 

When their lips met, Dan’s heart melted. He moved closer to Phil and kissed back gently, letting a few more streams of tears spill over. 

  
Slowly, Phil pulled away. “Let’s go inside, yeah?”

  
“Yeah.” Dan agreed with a nod.

**Author's Note:**

> right, so as you can see, i tried a new style to represent texting. i think im going to stick with it because i really like it. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, because this one is going to be a fairly long fic (hopefully). I'm going to shoot for at least seven chapters, maybe more, maybe less.


End file.
